


Mission

by Rainah (RainahFiclets)



Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Crack, F/M, Fluff, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-20
Packaged: 2018-01-01 04:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainahFiclets/pseuds/Rainah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Spartacus frat boy AU</p><p>Because someone had to do it.</p><p>Crassus and Spartacus run rival fraternities that like to pull very elaborate pranks on each other on the football field and off. Tiberius is a parrot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mission

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know, guys. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
> 
> In which Castus is drunk, and Agron gets distracted when he meets a boy while running a mission for Spartacus.

Their mission was simple: destroy Crassus and everyone who stood with him, so none would ever doubt the name of Spartacus again.

That was easier, however, off the football field than on it. Crassus and Spartacus each led one of the school’s fraternities, and lately things had gotten… heated, off the field as well as on. What had started in words had quickly escalated into elaborately well planned, but poorly executed, pranks.

Not that Agron had any trouble with escalation. Crassus deserved what he got, after his running-back got Duro suspended. Bastard. He was looking forward to some starting some well-earned havoc today. His watch read 11:49, which meant Donar and Lucius had infiltrated Crassus’s frat house. It was his turn now. The team jacket they’d lifted from some drunken sophomore was itchy against his skin, but it let him blend in enough that as long as he kept his eyes down he looked like any other partying underclassmen.

He slipped into the party from the back door they’d spotted, and nodded to Lucius before wandering casually over to the table. Spartacus had assigned him to the diversion. Spike the punch with laxatives, make a lot of noise, and make sure they chased him on the way out. Then Gannicus and Crixus would lure Crassus out, safe in the knowledge that his backup was occupied, and Spartacus would capture their mascot. It was a squawking parrot, a large African Grey Crassus had named _Tiberius._ He would be humiliated in front of the school, and Duro would be avenged. _Utter brilliance._

The food table was mostly free of Crassus’ surly players, just a blonde girl talking to a boy with long black hair. _Focus._ He couldn’t afford to be distracted tonight. But as he ladled himself a glass of punch and dropped his contraband into the bowl, he caught wind of what they were saying.

" _Gannicus,_ have you ever seen his rival on the field or off?” The blonde grinned boldly as she said it, sipping delicately from her beer.

"You can’t risk associating with one of them, Chadara." The boy shook his head, dark hair shifting.

"I’ve seen even you look at them on occasion, Nasir, don't start," Chadara retorted, and when the boy turned Agron caught a glimpse of sharp eyes and a mouth far too serious for someone at a party. He was beautiful. _Nasir. What an interesting name._

"Can I help you with anything?"

Damn, caught.

"Uh…" Agron stammered, as Nasir’s dark eyes flickered over his stolen sweater with disinterest. "I was just getting punch!"

"I can see that," he said flatly, but the blonde - Chadara, if he had heard correctly - eyed him up and down. "I’ve not see you practice with Crassus’ men."

The situation seemed to be slipping away from him. “Just inducted to the ranks. Uh, yesterday.” Change the subject. “Great party, huh?”

"Fantastic." It didn’t sound like he meant it. Nasir shook his head. "Come on Chadara." Agron frowned when he heard the man quietly murmur "One of Crassus’ meatheads, honestly-"

"I’m not!" Two pairs of eyes stared him down, one curious and one skeptic. "I’m not a meathead." Chadara turned, but Nasir was still watching him. "Fine. I stole it off some drunken sophomore. Happy?"

He was ready for anything - for Nasir to call Crassus, to get kicked out, to just plain get kicked - but the boy threw back his head and laughed, exposing a long and unmarked throat.

"Drunken Sophomore - it’ll be Castus, likely as not. Leave the jacket with me and I’ll get it back to him." He held out a hand expectantly. Agron stripped off the itchy jacket, leaving himself in only a thin t-shirt. Chadara stared until Agron shifted uncomfortably and Nasir came to the rescue.

"Chadara, there’s a Sip Ep without a date over there."

"Excuse me then." She gave Agron a wink and departed, touching Nasir’s shoulder as she left.

"So." Agron nodded as he watched her blonde hair weave in and out of the crowd on her way to a handsome stranger. "Not a girlfriend?"

"Just a dear friend." He smiled for a moment, a genuine flash of happiness, before turning back to Agron and his stolen jacket. "Who breaks into a party with a jacket they took off some poor underclassman, just to stand around drinking-" His eyes fell on the punch bowl. "You spiked it, didn’t you."

Agron opens his mouth to say _Absolutely not_ or _Can’t a man enjoy the punch at a party_ but what actually came out was “Please don’t say anything.”

"No use now." And to Agron’s surprise, he pulled a flask out of his pocket and offered it. "You said you came here to party."

Half a flask later, Agron’s head was spinning. Nasir seemed to be mostly unaffected, though as he drank his eyes seemed to be getting more shiny. The focused on Agron a lot. Agron, for his part, kept tracing his eyes over the panes of Nasir’s face and shoulders. They were very nice shoulders.

At one point, Nasir folded his arms and regarded Agron with what looked like an attempt to be critical. “Who are you anyway?”

Best give it up. He was drunk anyway. “My name is Agron. Foreign student from Germany, east of the Rhine.” Nasir saw through all of his defenses anyway. This was why Spartacus had set him as the distraction- he was good at noise and havoc and not much else.

Nasir stared. “You are one of Spartacus’ teammates, are you not?”

"I am," he affirmed, nodding perhaps a little too much.

"That’s why you look familiar…"

Agron nodded happily. “Spartacus is going to be, be- awesome.” Close enough. “And you should come be awesome with us.” He liked Nasir. Nasir was pretty and smart and held his alcohol better than Gannicus and Agron wanted to take him out for coffee or maybe just lean forward and kiss him right here. “Hey. Can you keep a secret?”

“‘M listening.” Nasir told him, raising an eyebrow. Agron wanted to kiss the skeptical expression off his face.

"We’re going to capture Crassus’ mascot," Argon told him proudly. "The parrot, Tiberius. We’re going to capture him tonight, and then Crassus will know not to mess with us. Naevia wants to wring his little neck."

"And what are you doing at a party while this goes on?" Nasir asked him, face falling into confusion.

"I’m the distrac-" Oh.

Oh no.

He was supposed to be wrecking havoc right now. Instead he was chatting up cute boys by the punch bowl.

"Crixus has challenged Crassus to a fistfight!" Someone in the crowd shouted. Agron let out a blistering stream of curses. Step two. No gods would save them now. "We have to go help." Nasir was staring at him in horror. "I must warn Spartacus." Agron told him. Spartacus would be going for the parrot even now. "Quickly!"

"Wait!" Nasir caught his arm, whipping out a sharpie and writing something on the back of Agron’s hand. A phone number. "Good luck!" Agron paused to flash him the widest of grins before racing away in search of his friend.

\- - - - - -

"I can’t believe the bird is still free," Naevia growled. Crixus was dabbing at the broken skin on her cheekbone, ignoring his own injuries. "One of these days-"

"We will wring Tiberius’ feathered neck," Crixus agreed. Without Agron’s distraction, Crassus backup was there in moments. He and Naevia had done plenty of damage before escaping though, if you believed Crixus’ ‘you should have seen the other guys’. Now they had all assembled at Spartacus’ house, to figure out where to go from their failed raid.

"Next time," Crixus sat back on his heels, finished tended to Naevia, "we don’t bring Agron."

"Hey!" He exclaimed from the couch. "It wasn’t _just_ my fault!” Be he was incredibly aware of the tingly feeling in his hand where Nasir had written his number down on it. Agron had sent off a text as soon as Spartacus was safe, and received a smilie face in return already. “If Gannicus didn’t get busted for smoking weed again-“

"With topless freshmen." Crixus added, and Spartacus held up a hand to silence him.

Gannicus just laughed from the couch beside Agron. “And worth every minute in campus security’s office. I don’t want the canary that badly.” He clasped Agron on the back. “Come on, tell me it wasn’t worth it.”

Agron frowned. “Spartacus comes first.” Just then his phone buzzed.

 _From: Nasir_  
_Meet me for coffee tomorrow? :)_  
  
"Who is it?" Spartacus asked. 

Agron didn’t answer. Instead he stood, spreading his hands. "Gentlemen. And Naevia. I wish your planning well, but I have coffee to get ready for."

"What?" Crixus asked blankly.

"With who?" Gannicus demanded.

"What about the bird?" Naevia’s voice rose above the others.

"This bird?" The door opened and Mira strutted in, Tiberius clasped in her hands. He struggled and squawked, and there was a grey feather in her hair, but she had him. She handed him over to Naevia nonchalantly, and went to sit on Spartacus lap. "Your plan sucked. Too complicated. While they were chasing you, I walked right in."

Spartacus shook his head, giving her a quick kiss. “You are spectacular.”

"Can we wring his neck now?" Crixus interrupted.

"Not when we can ransom him back to Crassus-"

"-For three bags of green skittles!"

"-Gannicus, honestly-"

Agron smiled, slipping out of the house and already sending a text back to Nasir.  
__  
_From: Agron  
:) The coffee shop on First Street?_

_From: Nasir  
You have good taste. 1:30 See you then. ;)_


	2. Counterpoint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tiberius is still a parrot, things are Not As They Seem, and they other side waves goodbye with 12 pounds of excess skittles. Requested.

"We need revenge." was the first thing Marcus Crassus said when he opened the meeting. To his left Quintus and Gaius nodded reverently, faces lit up by steadily burning candles. To his right, Kore popped another handful of Skittles into her mouth.

"As soon as possible," Lucretia agreed, one hand wrapped around her fiance and the other reaching out for the Skittles. She passed some to Ilithyia, who took them with a smile. "Those filthy animals should never have been allowed to lay hands on our mascot."

Gaius sighed. “Must we have Skittles at revenge meetings?”

"I like skittles," Ilithyia kissed him quickly. "Besides, we have tons thanks to that bird."

"His name is Tiberius," Crassus reminded her icily. She waved it off with a single jewel-encrusted hand.

When Tiberius had been reported missing Crassus had been beside himself. The cage was empty, feathers scattered everywhere, and his food dish on the floor. Tiberius had fought his captors, yet been overcome. But they would not kill him. _If they intended to kill him he would be dead._ And so they had waited. And waited. And after several painful days of waiting, Spartacus had made his demand. Three pounds of green Skittles were a small price to pay for the safety of his beloved bird.

Tiberius was on his shoulder now, thick talons digging into his shoulders reassuringly. He was a little ruffled from the ordeal, occasionally letting out a low whistling sound, but otherwise safe. And they now had twelve pounds of red, orange, yellow and purple Skittles to eat through. He’d instructed Quintus to leave a bowl full at all of the fraternities usual haunts, but there was still more than they could eat themselves.

At least Kore liked them. She smiled up at him from the circle of leaders, popping another red one into her mouth. Sweet Kore. Dating a sophomore, and an unknown one at that, was social suicide for someone in his position. Crassus didn’t care. He only took her to a few select parties, and most of his brothers still thought he was single. For her part, she was content to wait at home for him.

"Revenge," he reminded them.

"We need to take down Spartacus once and for all," Gaius declared.

Quintus Batiatus nodded eagerly. “I would be happy, Gaius, to inform the rest of the football team-“

"No," Crassus stopped him. "We keep it off the field. This is personal."

Gaius was shaking his head. “They shouldn’t be allowed to play,”

"I would like to see Crixus removed the game," Lucretia added.

"Crixus!" Tiberius chirped, and they all fell silent for a moment to look at him.

"Tiberius?" Crassus asked, but the bird made no reply besides another small, "Crixus! Spartacus!"

"Shut the bird up," Ilithyia complained.

"Crixus is the coolest," Tiberius intoned, and everyone stared.

"Crassus, your bird has lost it’s mind," Gaius told him firmly.

"Someone taught him to talk, it seems," While Gaius and Ilithyia looked at the bird with pure hostility, Lucretia’s eyes were cool. “The heathens are more clever than they seem.”

"Spartacus is my best friend," Tiberius agreed, bobbing his head.

Crassus’ mouth was set in a hard, unforgiving line. “The man dies. I will not rest until he leaves this school forever.” 

"Get him kicked out then," Ilithyia suggested. "Just call the cops on one of Gannicus’ freaky parties, that’ll be enough."

"But… what if there’s nothing there?" Kore spoke up for the first time, tentatively.

"That’s not the point," Ilithyia scoffed. "We _plant_ something there.

"Oh," She looked down, leaning in closer to Crassus.

"Or we could hack the computers to-"

"No," The words came from Crassus, who hadn’t responded at all to the suggestions. He was slowly petting his bird, looking for all the world like a man ready to kill. “They will pay for this. We will be _smarter_ than that rebellious scourge.” It did no help to go beating them up - this was a challenge of wits. Of cunning.

"You will show them," Kore promised him. Sweet, doggedly loyal Kore.

"Agron is an unreliable bag of dicks," Tiberius called, before pitching his voice lower. "You are what you eat, are what you eat."

Lucretia and Batiatus laughed in spite of themselves, and even Gaius' mouth curved into a smile. Crassus was not amused, but softened when Kore took his hand. “This meeting is over.” 


End file.
